Here Comes Goodbye
by yesliterally
Summary: Who's going to pick him up off the hospital bed?" The residents say goodbye to one of their own. Please read and review.


**Here Comes Goodbye**

****Warning: Character Death. You may want a kleenex.****

**I love reviews, so please let me know what you think.**

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**The silent waiting room had become like a prison, one that he wanted to escape from at the first chance. But he couldn't. And it had little to do with the fact that Hunt was hovering in the doorway, being there for them in his own way. No Alex wouldn't leave.

So he sat in the uncomfortable chair head in his hands, not wanting to look anyone in the eye. Meredith sat to his left, nervously twirling a loose peice of hair around her index finger. Cristina sat in the chair directly to the back of his, occasionally flipping the pages of a medical journal that she clearly wasn't reading. In front of him, George paced nervously, not really knowing what to do with himself.

Occasionally, various other co-workers would stop in to see if they had heard anything. Lexie, Mark, Callie, Arizona. They'd all ask, and Meredith or Cristina would tell whoever it was that they hadn't heard anything yet. Alex continued to sit stoically, a vast array of emotions apparent on his face.

Hours passed, seeming like seconds and days all at once. He didn't know whether he wanted to hear what Derek had to say or not. He knew it was ineveitable, but he couldn't think about that.

He heard the footsteps at the entrance, but he didn't look up, assuming it was nosy interns or Mark and Callie checking in again. But Meredith's hand on his arm drew his attention away from the carpet. Just inside the door, Derek and Bailey and the Chief stood, emotionless. They all stood, ready to hear the report.

Derek opened his mouth, ready to speak, but when his gazed moved from his fiancee to Alex, he froze. The words wouldn't come. Rather than say the words, the neurosurgeon averted his eyes, and backed out of the room silently. Alex felt Meredith take his hand, and Cristina touch his shoulder. They all knew.

Bailey stood there facing them, clearly battling with herself to speak. "She's alive, but there was no way ... there was too much. I'm so, so sorry." George sunk down into a seat, openly sobbing. Meredith looked like she had been kicked in the gut. Cristina, the strong one, was even fighting the tears. And Alex, he couldn't move. Coudn't cry. Couldn't say anything. "We're going to put her on a morphine drip, so she's ... so there's no pain. You'll be able to ... to talk to her ... and --" Bailey stopped talking when it was clear that the words weren't making any difference.

"How ... how long?" Cristina asked the question that no one wanted to ask.

"She was so weak when we took her into surgery. A few hours, a day, maybe. You should each take an opportunity to talk to her. I'll um, I'll go find out what room she's in. I'll come get you in a little while."

The chief resident exited the room quickly, the Chief and Hunt following, leaving the four of them alone.

It was only after the door shut that Alex's stone-like expression faded and he hit his knees, collapsing in on himself. Despite his innate ability to keep his emotions to himself, he couldn't stop the tears from streaming down his face. He felt tiny Meredith fully envelop him in her arms, and felt the moisture falling from her eyes on his shoulder. She silently rubbed soft circles on her friend's back wishing that she could pull some of his pain onto herself. Cristina had moved over to sit beside George, occasionally wiping her own eyes with a tissue.

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Dr. Bailey sighed deeply as she stepped into the room that would be the last room Izzie Stevens would ever see. The previously blonde doctor looked so pale and weak as she laid in the bed, peacefully. It had pained her to deliver that news, and she would kill Derek Shepard the next time she saw him for making her tell her babies that they would lose one of their own. By far, it was the most difficult thing she'd ever done in her career in medicine.

The small woman moved to the bed, and lightly touched Izzie's face. The patient groaned lightly and her brown eyes fluttered opened.

"Dr. Bailey?"

"Hey, Izzie," she said gently.

"What happened? Did Derek get everything?" she asked softly and slowly, thinking carefully about her words.

Bailey dreaded this. She pulled a stool up next to the bed and sat down. Taking her former intern's hand. She struggled to look into the chocolate eyes staring up at her for an answer. She tried to form the words, but nothing came. Her silence told Izzie everything she need to hear.

"I'm dying." It wasn't a question, but a realization.

Tears began to form in both pairs of eyes, and finally Bailey found her voice. "Izzie, I am so, so sorry. I wish I had better news. I wish to God that I had something else to tell you." With that, she let Izzie take in the news, let the tears come, hands still clasped together. They sat together for a while, when Izzie looked up determination filling her weak eyes.

"I need to see them." There was no question as to whom she was refering. Bailey nodded, gave Izzie a smile and exited quickly.

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Opening the door, Bailey wasn't surprised as to what she found. George had quieted his cries, but tears still streaked his face. Cristina sat quietly beside him. Meredith was holding Alex as he continued to sob from his place on the floor. Not saying a word, but meeting Cristina's glassy gaze, Bailey nodded. The asian woman exited the waiting room without a word.

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Standing quietly in the door, Cristina couldn't help but think that it was hard to believe that this was the woman who once posed in her underwear with the perfect boobs and the eight-foot-long legs. The woman before her was emaciated and her eyes were sunken in and her cheeks were gaunt.

Medically, she knew that one's character had nothing to do with their health, but a small part of Cristina's heart felt that this wasn't fair. Izzie didn't deserve this. She was a good person.

She shook herself from her thoughts as a soft voice came from the direction of the bed.

"Cristina?"

"Yeah, Izzie. I'm right here." She moved to the stool and sat down anxiously. They sat in silence, neither on really knowing how to do this. Izzie finally spoke.

"I know we didn't always get along, Cristina. I'm sorry about that."

"No, don't you dare apologize to me about anything. You have nothing to apologize for."

"Cristina, please. Let me do this. I ... I'm not going to get another chance. So please, just hear me out." Cristina nodded and let her continue. "I'm sorry we never got a chance to get closer. I think we could have learned a lot from each other. I know you could have taught me a thing or two. You're the best. At surgery. But I worried about you sometimes. You seemed so cut off from everybody. Until Hunt. Don't waste what you've got with him. Life's too short. You deserve to be loved, but you've got to let people in. Especially him. Even if he is a pig murderer."

Cristina smiled at the thought of Owen. It wasn't lost on her that even on her death bed, Izzie was still worried about her love life. Selfless Izzie. She smiled at the woman on the bed, and nodded. "Thanks, Izzie. That means a lot." They didn't say anything else, they didn't have to, but they knew what the other was thinking. Cristina stood and walked to the door. She paused and turned, taking one more look at her collegue. Her friend.

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George felt numb as his feet propelled him into Izzie's room. He didn't want to do this. But he knew that this was his last chance to see her. He couldn't not go. The lump in his throat threatened to cut off his breathing as his eyes met her's.

"Come here, George," she commanded quietly.

He did as she asked, but still no words formed. She took his hand as she began to speak. "I don't regret anything, George. I know mistakes were made. From both of us, but I don't regret it. You are such a great guy, and I love you for being my friend. You got me when no one else did. I needed you and you were there for me. So thank you."

"This is my fault. I knew something was wrong, but I let it go. I'm so, so sorry."

"This is not your fault, George. There was nothing that could have been done. Derek and the other doctors did everything they could. Please don't blame yourself. I don't blame you. Promise me, George."

He stared at her face, and he knew she was right. He had to let go of the guilt, and he hoped that someday he'd be able to keep his promise, but he knew it wouldn't be anytime soon. So he didn't respond. He just smiled at her through the tears threatening to fall.

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Meredith tenatively stepped into the room, smile plastered on her face. It was what Izzie would want, she thought to herself. She moved to the bed and sat on the matress next to her housemate.

"Hey, Izzie."

"Mere." Izzie smiled back, seemingly grateful for the reprieve from the tears. "I need to ask you a favor. Two favors actually." Meredith took hold of Izzie's hand as she nodded for her to proceed. "Don't let Derek beat himself up over this. I know that he did everything he could. I don't want him to be all dark and twisty over this. He's McDreamy and he can't be dark and twisty. That's your job. Promise me you'll tell him I told you this."

"Okay, I can do that. What's the second favor?"

Izzie took a deep breath to control her emotions. "Take care of Alex. You get him. Sometimes I think you get him even when I don't. He's ... he's not going to deal with this well. He's going to try to push everybody away. Go all self-destructive. Don't let him. Please watch out for him. Please." Tears finally fell from her eyes, mirroring the one's in Meredith's.

"Of course. You know I will. I'll bet I can even get George and Cristina to help out without too much of a fight." The two chuckled at the thought, and Meredith shivered as a light, shakey sigh escaped from Izzie's lips.

"Thank you, Mere." The tiny woman smiled through her tears, and squeezed her friend's hand one more time, and left the room.

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Her eyes were closed when he forced himself to pass through the door of the hopsital room, and for a brief moment, Alex thought that he had missed her. That she had left without a word to him. But a quick look at the monitors assured him that she was holding on.

His gaze moved to her face, marred by dark circles under her eyes, her skin almost translucent in the darkened room. He moved himself closer to her, close enough to reach out and touch her sunken cheek. His mind replayed the many times that he had touched that cheek, kissed it, kissed her lips.

He fought the tears, the emotion as long as he could. He was not going to let her see him cry. But his determination faltered the moment he saw her, failed completely the moment he touched her. Finding the stool, he sat and laid his head against her stomach and let the tears flow.

The feeling of a gentle, familiar hand grazed across the nape of his neck, and he looked up into tear-filled chocolate eyes.

"Iz."

"Alex." She seemed hesitant, unsure of what to say. She wanted to make this as easy as possible for him, he knew that, but nothing about this was easy. "Will you hold me? Please."

Without a word, he crawled up onto the thin hospital-issue matress, his arms gently circling her frail frame, holding on for dear life. For a time, they simply held each other and cried. It reminded them both of the two times before when they had held each other tears freely flowing. It just made them hold on tighter.

Finally the tears subsided enough for her to speak. "I do love you. You know that right. I wish I could show you just how much I really do love you. I wish I had done it before now. That's my only regret. That I didn't show you how I really felt about you."

"Iz, don't. Don't think about that right now."

"I have to, Alex. This is my last chance. I just want to make sure that you know how I really felt about you. You saved me. On more than one occasion. You believed in me, when I didn't even believe in myself. You were always honest, even when it hurt. And I love you for that. And now, the only thing I can think of is that were never going to get to see each other at opposite ends of a church aisle. We're never going to get to see our babies with their blonde hair and hazel eyes with your chin and my nose. And that hurts more than the actual dying does, Alex. I wanted all of that. With you."

Again, she had rendered him speechless. He had wanted all of that too. For the first time in his life he had wanted all of that. With Izzie. Unsure of his voice, he stayed silent.

"Promise me that you'll move on, Alex."

Her words shocked him out of his silence.

"Izzie, I'm not going to promise you that," he said, brutal honesty taking over reason once again.

"Alex, just because I'm not here doesn't mean I don't want you to be happy. Didn't you tell me something like that one time? Someone who loves you doesn't want you to do that to yourself. You have a life to live. Fall in love again. Have some hazel-eyed babies. You are a good man and you deserve all of that. Don't deny all of that because of me. Promise me.

He lost all of his will power when she looked in his eyes, pleading for a response. "I promise."

Lying there in that hospital bed, holding each other, they remained in silence for an amount of time that Alex couldn't even begin to comprehend. He would press a kiss to her cheek, she would use some of herquickly declining strenth to squeeze his hand. At some point, he felt her breathing change.

She slowly move her head to look him in his eyes. "I'm scared, Alex."

"I know, Iz. Me too." He pressed his trembling lips to hers, feeling her weakly reciporcate, for what he knew would be the last time. "I love you."

"I love you too, Alex."

He could tell she was struggling and that she was in pain. Though it felt like a knife through his heart, he placed his mouth next to her ear. "It's okay, Iz. You can let go now."

And with one final look into his eyes, her eyes closed and the weight seemed to lift from her body. She looked so peaceful that it took him a moment to realize that she was really and truly gone. And all of his resolve to be strong for her in her last few moments faded.

From their spot on the other side of the window of the room, Meredith, Cristina and George watched helplessly. Behind them Bailey, the Chief, Lexie, Mark, Hunt, and even Shepard watched the scene unfold. Every face marked by tell-tale streaks, not a single one unaffected.

From their spot, the three residents watched as Alex unraveled, grasping at Izzie's lifeless body, gasping for breath.

"Who's going to pick him up off the hospital bed?" Cristina's comment shook Meredith and George out of their stillness. Taking a deep breath of resolution, and wiping the tears off her face, Meredith grabbed Cristina's right hand and George's left and moved them toward the door. Together they moved to Alex, and together they helped pull him away from the love of his life.

And together they resolved to get him through this. They would all get through this together.


End file.
